DO YOU LOOK LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH?!

Encounter Number One:  I was sitting with a friend of mine shooting the breeze when she told me about a situation that had occurred the day before.  She said that she was about to leave a store when a gentleman stopped her and asked if he could "bum a cigarette." Well my friend looked at him (as I imagine, very questionable) and asked what made him think that she had cigarettes or even smoked for that matter.  He replied, "Come on ma'am! I know you smoke because your lips are dark.  Two people I know are smokers and drug addicts." Well my friend was taken aback by the comment.  So much so that she quietly handed him a cigarette and walked away.

Encounter Number Two:   I was standing in a checkout line the day before Thanksgiving that was moving fairly slowly, when I decided to past the time by scanning the crowd.  My eyes roamed from left to right until it fixated on this one particular gentleman.  He was an older man that was dressed fairly nice, but that is not why he caught my attention.  Though he was groomed really well and his hair was cut very nice, his face was very tired looking.  The lines around his eyes and mouth were very deep and very noticeable.  His skin was dry and blotchy looking.  I thought to myself "Dang he would be a really nice pick for some older lady if he would just put the bottle down.  Alcoholism is so sad."  I continued scanning the room, until finally it was my turn to check out.  Once done, I walked to the parking lot, where I seen the same gentleman talking to one of my co-workers. I waved, wished them a Happy Thanksgiving, and moved on.  Last week, I was speaking with said coworker about randomness when I remembered the gentleman I had seen that day and decided to ask about him (I can be nosey at times).  My co-worker said a lot of things about the gentleman but what stuck out is how proud he was of him for being MORE THAN A YEAR SOBER NOW!  I actually checked out of the conversation and began having one with myself.  I once again had to remind myself that just because a situation looks a certain way, that doesn't mean that it is that way. TRANSLATION:  Don't be so quick to judge (a lesson we all repeat every now and then).  I had sworn to myself that this man was still an alcoholic. I mean it was evident by his looks, right?! WRONG!

I share these two situations for this reason here:  Each time we encounter a situation we never know what scar or residue is left behind.  Whether its a skinned knee or a broken heart, during the healing process the wound could heal perfectly without a trace or blemish to show that we were ever hurt, or it could leave scar tissue that not only we can see, but others as well.  I started thinking about this as I meditated that night and quickly looked at a scar on my leg from 21 years ago.  Sure it was healed and no longer hurt but the scar is there as a reminder of that day.  I'm often asked about it when I am not wearing pants because it is very noticeable.  I quickly stood up and went to the mirror looking at other scars I had, and started time-lining them throughout my life.  Remembering this, and cringing about that until a thought hit me.........Was my internal scars visible as well?!  Was the last two years of my life visible to the outside world?  Plainly put, did I look like what I had been through? Could people look in my eyes and see tragedy, hurt, sleepless nights, and wet pillow cases? Could they see the rage that was bottled up in side so much so, that I would pray for someone just to start an argument with me so I could exert this energy onto someone else?  Though I was healed finally, was there residue that would suggest to others that I wasn't?

I remembered a story in the bible (Luke 17:11-19) where there were 10 lepers referenced.  In the bible, the priest would banish lepers from the rest of the citizens because they had a contagious disease that would damage the skin, limbs, and eyes.  As Jesus passed by this area, the lepers pleaded for Him to help them.  Well of course our Savior had mercy and healed them.  He instructed them to go to the priest so they could be checked out; they were found to be clean.  Once this was done 9 went on their way, while 1 returned to say thank you.  Because of this gesture, Jesus made him completely whole.  This meant that there were no signs of him ever having leprosy!  He was free to put the past behind him without having to be questioned every time he walked out of his home.  The others, though clean, still had the scars left from the leprosy.  Meaning that they were probably left with scrutiny from others.  Always having to explain certain disfigurements which always had them proving to others that they were "clean" by being checked frequently by the priest. 

I have seen people throughout my life, deemed as mean, hateful, and unapproachable by others.  Maybe they were, or maybe it was their scar/open wounds showing from a catastrophic injury.  Sometimes we judge people (as I did) on a look and make it their current reality, instead of a past occurrence.  Though it may not be right, it's understandable how this could happen.  This is why chemist has made a fortune on bleaching creams and ointments because people would rather not be reminded of a surgery, or a bad fall.  They would like to look in that area and see wholeness.  As if it never happened.  I myself have used oils on my scars to lighten them.  But what about the internal ones that seems to bore through to the surface.  What cream is used to cover up those?  Time? Maybe.  But as you and I both know, time is unforgiving and waits for no one. Besides we are too impatient.  Let's take a page out of the leper's book!  Go to God and ask for his help, reverence Him! You will feel and see the change happen.  Thank HIM and forge a closer, more intimate relationship with Him and OTHERS will see it too!  Just know that you don't have to look like what you have been through! Until Next Time....Ciao for now!

Closed Doors

For Every Door You Close.....



Imagine this......You work at a prestigious firm (fill in the job for yourself), and things are going great!  You have been paying all bills on time, you have money for those "unexpected" moments, your children are doing great in school, and you have a healthy social life with a few friends.  Things are looking up in every area of your life and you are the happiest you have been in a long time.  Sounds amazing doesn't it?!   Of course it does.  Everyone loves it when life seems to run "smoothly"  without a hiccup to derail the process.

Now imagine this.....Months later, you are at your desk when you are made aware of some budget cuts that will involve the downsizing of the firm.  It couldn't possibly be you! You have been there longer than most of the employees.  IT IS YOU! 

You're thinking, "How could this happen?!" You start scrambling to speak with your boss to reconsider his decision.  After-all, you have seniority AND you are an amazing employee!  You also try to learn the labor laws for your state to see if there was something you could do to keep this from happening.  To no prevail, you have been let go.  This seems to start a flood of obstacles:  you now have unemployment, but it is nothing close to what you were making so now the bills are falling behind, on top of repairs needed for your cars and home that you can't afford and finally because you don't have the extra money to "hang out" with your friends y'all have seemed to drift apart!  You have applied for countless jobs and because of the economy there is a hiring freeze at the moment. 

You have prayed and cried over and over again, asking the infamous question of all who goes through:  "WHY ME LORD?"  Only to follow it up with, "HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO LAST?"  Eventually that depression and despair, turns into anger and isolation.  It just seems to feel as though everything you touch turns to mud and you are over it!  Months have now passed and unemployment has just about ran its course.  You have applied to many firms and they have yet to call back.  So now you have lowered the bar in the job search and decided to put in applications (not resumes) to a few coffee shops and bakery's. 

Finally  a quaint bakery hires you on a trial basis as a cashier.  Things are going well. So much so, that the owner is trying out a few of your ideas in the company.  You're proving yourself to be a quick, idea-driven, and reliable employee!  As funny as it sounds, you can't remember being this happy at a job!  Your ideas have generated so much revenue, that the owner has offered you a partnership which you happily accept.  Things have only gone up from here:  you have created new pastries and have also teamed up with Pillsbury to take them international!  While you are soaring, you learn that your old firm has folded all together and the stock that you had in the firm (which you forgot about) has now paid out rather handsomely!  LOOK AT GOD!

My point is that sometimes when a door closes, God is allowing it to do so because otherwise you would have never walked out and closed it on your own.  I believe that God looks at us at times, wanting so badly for us to give birth to our greatness that he nudges us in the direction we need to go in.  Sure the path looks rocky and even a little dim (labor pains).  We question the process and the processor with no answer visibly in sight.  That's because we look at the situation with natural eyes, instead of with our spiritual ones.  It comes a time when we just have to remember WHO we are and WHOSE we are! You are a child of the Most High.  Our Father would never forsake us, nor steer us wrong.  BELIEVE THAT! Hold on to that, and the process won't seems as dim, or as long.

I  would often hear my mother say her prayers and toward the end she would say, "God for every door you close, I will not question it.  For every door you open I will gladly walk through it!"  This is also what I want to leave with you.  If a door closes in your life and you know that it was not due to your hand, then trust that God has something oh so much better in store for you!  He has His Master Hand in it!  Until next time, Ciao for now!  







Show Me, Me!

!!!TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF!!!

My mother and I stood outside talking which seemed like forever and I was telling her of a situation that occurred recently.  After telling her the story I ended by saying that I was tired of "adults" not communicating their feelings until its too late as if they were children and how I was over it.   As I spoke, I immediately regretted telling her due to the look upon her face.  I knew that a lecture was about to take place.......AND IT DID!  My mother has always been the type that would see both sides of the coin but it seemed at that moment she only viewed one, lol! She began to say that I was a hard person to get along with.  That I end relationships too soon because I don't accept people for who they are because I'm too busy wanting them to be me!  She followed it up with saying that my  "adult acquaintances" maybe didn't communicate their issue with me because that tongue of mine is a  little too much to listen to! WHOA!!!!  Now that was a blow to the gut; Especially since I had similar feedback just earlier this week.  

I have been reading a book called "The People Factor"by Van Moody. Its a  book that helps you with the necessary tools to help build successful relationships.  In the book it states that before you build great relationships you have to dissect yourself and see where the problem areas are so you can change them before bringing them into a new relationship.  He suggested that you get people very close to you to answer a few questions, such as:  1) What do you think are my greatest qualities 2) What are my greatest weaknesses 3) What would I need to do to relate better to others.  Well I sent out the questions earlier this week to a few people that I knew would not hold any punches and the consensus was......I WAS PRETTY AWESOME!  

SERIOUSLY THOUGH.....I was a hot mess on paper!  They all agreed that I was loyal, and generous; but they also agreed that I was hard to talk to when I was "on one"  and that I immediately dropped people or situations when it didn't live up to my expectations (in so many words).  

There is a saying that goes:  If one person calls you a duck, don't pay much attention to it; if two people say that you are a duck, begin to question it; but if three call you a duck, then you might be quacking!  In this case, FIVE were calling me a duck, so they must have seen a beak and a feather or two!  Though it didn't feel good to hear, it definitely allowed me to see me through other's eyes.  Though I didn't like it, I definitely respected it and the loved ones who spoke it.  I have asked God with helping me love people where they are at and a mindset not to cut people off so quickly.  I had done that three times just this week under the guidelines of God removing people that aren't good for me out of my life smh.  NOTE TO SELF:  STOP GIVING CREDIT TO GOD FOR THE DISMANTLING OF SOME RELATIONSHIPS WHEN YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART THAT YOU'RE ALLOWING THE ENEMY TO USE YOU! 

Every now and then its good to take a good look at yourself  and see where you need to improve so that you can become a better you  for the next level of your life.  Ask others to help you in this process, because we all have a blind spot or two when it comes to looking at ourselves.  Be honest with yourselves and open to the process when others are involved. We all have room for improvement and should take every advantage of  the opportunity when given!  Take a chance!  You have nothing to lose.....except some quirks and some excess baggage here and there!  Until next time! Ciao for now!

It's Not About You!

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!

 



Have you ever been in a mood where you just didn't have time for anyone?! You were so consumed in your own life and your problems that you just didn't want to hear anyone woes or didn't want to rejoice in someone else good news?  I know it may sound selfish and a little like hating, but that has been my life for the last month. I would get phone calls from one person or another and they would either be crying or speak with a defeated sounding tone, that either way, sent me into an "I don't have time for your mess," attitude. There would be no life given from me!  By the time the individual would hang up with me, I'm sure they had wished that they had never called me!  I felt emotionally drained and I did not want to give anyone my energy just to be left completely empty.  I would tell my mother about the people calling me and telling her how I was so tired of them and I was ready to cut them off totally because I could not stand "clueless" people.  I would rant about how these people don't even seem to care if I'm going through something as long as I am there to listen to them.  My mother would then look at me with her "I'm so disappointed in you" look and say how I was the meanest/nicest child she has (I'm still not sure what that means lol). She then would say that sometimes you have to be the shoulder that people lean on, and that God wouldn't have allowed them to come your way if you were not equipped to help.

My mother has always been that person that everyone went to with there problems and express their deepest secrets.  I would watch my mother at times so tired and could hardly get around, sit in her chair just to rest her eyes for a bit.  It seemed like every time she would just begin to relax, the phone would ring or a knock would come at the door with someone so broken at the other side.  My mother would get up to embrace, to listen, and to advise.  I could see her eating dinner with the family only to be torn from the conversation to advise someone yet again.  As much as I wanted to be like my mother, I never wanted that aspect of her.  I am not a selfish person, yet I'm not the most consoling one either when I am going through my own thing. I never felt like I could deal with your issues and mine as well. 

As long as I could remember, I have been a "thinker." No matter the situation I have always wanted to dissect it to understand why and how each situation began and then unfolded.  Traveling down this road that I have been placed on, I would question why I was going through the things that I was going through;  For what purpose did this serve?! Because I am a Logical Thinker, never having an answer would send me into a frenzy every time.  I would dissect the situation each and every kind of way and I still could not come up with anything, so in true "Kenyetta Form" I just gave up!

Last week, I got off of work and ran a few errands that caused me to get home pretty late.  I was tired and a little cranky so I just wanted to get in the house, feed my children, and go to bed.  To think of it gave me such joy, which quickly faded when a stranger pulled into my yard.  She was soliciting, so I had no time for her at all, but something told me to wait and engage her a little.  So we began to talk a little and almost immediately I understood why I was not to turn her away.  She had just lost her son two months earlier and was trying so hard NOT to be angry with God; trying so hard to find the answer to her many questions of WHY?!  I was taken aback by the rush of words coming out of her mouth.  It was almost like this was the first time she was able to speak and had so much to say.  I listened intently to everything she spoke of, at the same time asking God to give me the words to say.  He simply said, tell her YOUR STORY.  We began to speak on my experiences of the past 18 months and how I could relate to her anger.  Before I knew it we had been talking for 2.5 hours. 
Finally she left, but not before us exchanging numbers.  I remember thinking (as I was preparing to take my HUNGRY children to subway), "wow, now that was different, yet fulfilling."  I felt light and upbeat for the first time in a long time.  It felt really good to be something to someone, even in the midst of my own thought process. 

A few nights later I sat reading the book of Job and saw it with fresh eyes.  There was a passage that speaks of Job immediately being restored all that he had lost, once he started praying for his friends that were going through.  Even though Job had so much going on in his life, when his friends who anguish was not even in comparison to Job's, needed him he did not hesitate to be an intercessor for them.  I thought then, "Kenyetta, you have began the road of recovery now that you were willing to listen and speak with someone else in their pain and not make life all about you."  I know that this is a long blog, but I write all of this simply to say:  Sometimes you will go through things that is not because of you, but for someone else.  You will be able to be a sounding board and a light for someone who life seems so dark.  Lets not turn our backs on others in their time of need just because we are too busy licking our wounds.  It may just be the distraction you need as well as the beginning of your healing process in your own storm.  Love you much! Until next time, Ciao for now!



 !!!!!FEAR!!!!!

FEAR – An unpleasant emotional state consisting of psychological and psycho-physiological responses to a real external threat or danger, including agitation, alertness, tension, and mobilization of the alarm reaction.

This emotion in itself causes fear in people.  Rather you are afraid of being afraid (ironic huh?). I have hesitated so many times regarding writing about this because I was afraid to give a voice to certain fears……that is until last week.  Each morning I start my work day at 7:30 and begin my various missions.  Last Wednesday was no different.  At 8:00 my oldest daughter calls me and tells me that my youngest daughter is on the floor trying to breathe.  Well immediately panic sets in and I am throwing so many questions at her that she hands the phone over to an adult who informs me that Kayla was having an asthma attack!  What?!! She doesn’t even have asthma.  At the same time my mom is pulling up at the school at the same time the ambulance is.  They hand the phone to my mother and as I’m talking to her I am getting my purse ready and keys so I can leave.  The panic in my voice was enough for my mother to stop and talk me down before jumping into my car in such a state.  Long story short, the EMT’s gave her a breathing treatment and all is well!  (Side note:  so grateful to have family that has your back REGARDLESS).  Once I found out that my daughter was fine, the panic started settling.  I started thinking how I allowed my mind to go to the darkest places possible, and how frantic I got when Kinsley called to say Kayla was on the floor.  The image had me on “10.”  This moment made me look at another fear that I have been struggling with for months now!  On Saturday I was talking with an amazing group of women when all of a sudden someone joked and said “Let the Lord use you.”  Well we laughed (you had to be there) and continue to carry on when it took a serious turn to why we don’t allow Him to use us.  During this whole exchange I stayed quiet because I was battling my own “disobedient” moment.

Almost a year ago I was sitting in my room crying out to God and saying those words that everyone wish they could take back after they leave their lips……”GOD LET YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE!”  I know this sounds so weird right, but sometimes when this is done God will put you in an unfamiliar and scary position just to see how obedient you will be to his voice.  Well I was on this high!  You know the one where you feel like you can conquer all and nothing or no one can even attempt to stop you!  I carried on with my life: waking up, saying my prayers, getting my children up, reciting affirmations with them, and off to work!  One day I was sitting with my girls just watching them play when the Spirit spoke to me and instructed me to do something that would stretch me further than I was willing to go.  Immediately a sense of dread came over me!  I mean what was being asked of me would put me out there and I am one of those people that value their privacy, especially when I have yet to come to terms with certain things in my life that is being asked of me to live out in front of others!!! I put this situation in the back of my head and moved on.  I didn’t totally ignore my instructions but tried to think of a way that I could do what was asked of me but in another way than what was told.  Days passed by, then weeks, and finally months.  During this time I had not heard anything from God or maybe I was but because I had shut off my spiritual ear I couldn’t.  So He sent amazing people in my life to drop a nugget here and there that would impact me in such a way that it struck a chord within me.

Realizing that fear was the reason behind my stagnated mind.  I decided, with my rebellious self to get up and do it afraid!  Whatever it is that has you bound up, know that whatever it is, is just a minor situation we have made big.  Don’t allow fear to consume you.  Don’t allow it to break your spirits and steal something it was never supposed to have…..YOUR POWER!  You are victorious. You are an over-comer.  You are an heir.  Walk into your destiny of purpose with confidence knowing that our Father has you!  Until next time, Ciao for now!