!!!!!FEAR!!!!!

FEAR – An unpleasant emotional state consisting of psychological and psycho-physiological responses to a real external threat or danger, including agitation, alertness, tension, and mobilization of the alarm reaction.

This emotion in itself causes fear in people.  Rather you are afraid of being afraid (ironic huh?). I have hesitated so many times regarding writing about this because I was afraid to give a voice to certain fears……that is until last week.  Each morning I start my work day at 7:30 and begin my various missions.  Last Wednesday was no different.  At 8:00 my oldest daughter calls me and tells me that my youngest daughter is on the floor trying to breathe.  Well immediately panic sets in and I am throwing so many questions at her that she hands the phone over to an adult who informs me that Kayla was having an asthma attack!  What?!! She doesn’t even have asthma.  At the same time my mom is pulling up at the school at the same time the ambulance is.  They hand the phone to my mother and as I’m talking to her I am getting my purse ready and keys so I can leave.  The panic in my voice was enough for my mother to stop and talk me down before jumping into my car in such a state.  Long story short, the EMT’s gave her a breathing treatment and all is well!  (Side note:  so grateful to have family that has your back REGARDLESS).  Once I found out that my daughter was fine, the panic started settling.  I started thinking how I allowed my mind to go to the darkest places possible, and how frantic I got when Kinsley called to say Kayla was on the floor.  The image had me on “10.”  This moment made me look at another fear that I have been struggling with for months now!  On Saturday I was talking with an amazing group of women when all of a sudden someone joked and said “Let the Lord use you.”  Well we laughed (you had to be there) and continue to carry on when it took a serious turn to why we don’t allow Him to use us.  During this whole exchange I stayed quiet because I was battling my own “disobedient” moment.

Almost a year ago I was sitting in my room crying out to God and saying those words that everyone wish they could take back after they leave their lips……”GOD LET YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE!”  I know this sounds so weird right, but sometimes when this is done God will put you in an unfamiliar and scary position just to see how obedient you will be to his voice.  Well I was on this high!  You know the one where you feel like you can conquer all and nothing or no one can even attempt to stop you!  I carried on with my life: waking up, saying my prayers, getting my children up, reciting affirmations with them, and off to work!  One day I was sitting with my girls just watching them play when the Spirit spoke to me and instructed me to do something that would stretch me further than I was willing to go.  Immediately a sense of dread came over me!  I mean what was being asked of me would put me out there and I am one of those people that value their privacy, especially when I have yet to come to terms with certain things in my life that is being asked of me to live out in front of others!!! I put this situation in the back of my head and moved on.  I didn’t totally ignore my instructions but tried to think of a way that I could do what was asked of me but in another way than what was told.  Days passed by, then weeks, and finally months.  During this time I had not heard anything from God or maybe I was but because I had shut off my spiritual ear I couldn’t.  So He sent amazing people in my life to drop a nugget here and there that would impact me in such a way that it struck a chord within me.

Realizing that fear was the reason behind my stagnated mind.  I decided, with my rebellious self to get up and do it afraid!  Whatever it is that has you bound up, know that whatever it is, is just a minor situation we have made big.  Don’t allow fear to consume you.  Don’t allow it to break your spirits and steal something it was never supposed to have…..YOUR POWER!  You are victorious. You are an over-comer.  You are an heir.  Walk into your destiny of purpose with confidence knowing that our Father has you!  Until next time, Ciao for now!