Gone???!!!!!!!!

I lost you!  I don't know when or where, but I just know one day I turned around and you were gone.  Was it something I said? Something I did?  I never thought you would leave but like magic, *POOF* you were gone.  Oh how I miss you so!  You were always there for me when I needed you.  Just when I felt like giving up, I was reminded of why I pressed on in the first place.  My friends all said that you were the best part of me.  With you I had a glow about myself. A drive even, to be better.........to do better! But then you left.  I don't know when or where, but I just know I turned around and you were gone.

You left at the most critical time in my life!  I needed you oh so badly but you weren't there.  I was so angry with you!  How could you desert me like this with no warning at all.  How selfish could you be, that my interest was of no concern in your decision to leave.  How am I to go on without you?! How do I survive without you?! The more time has come and gone, I have watched myself become a bitter, resentful, confused, shell of my former self all because you left!!!!!!!!! It is all your fault!!!

If I must be honest, you didn't willingly leave me!  I gave up on you! I turned my back on you.  I disregarded your place in my life and made you feel like nothing more than an accessory.  Though you turned the knob, I pushed you to the door.  You were just "arm candy" I carried around, because everyone complimented me on how good I looked with you!  Vain I know, but I loved that people noticed me with you.  You truly mattered  but I gave up on us.  I turned "we" into "me."  Never giving you credit in my success!  I think I know when you could have possibly left!!!! I think the last incident was the "straw that broke the camels back" for us huh?!  Blow after blow, I would take because I knew you had my back! You would never leave me right?!  You were gone! 

This month is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month."  Everyone keeps saying your name during this time.  Giving you the recognition, and praise you deserve.  Everyone but me, that is!  You left me, so I refuse to say your name or make you relevent even in this time!!! YOU LEFT ME REMEMBER!!!! People notice that we are no longer together, you know?  I wonder what I must look like to them now that you're gone. Putting pride aside for a moment......How do I get you back? Would you be willing to come back even?!  Not for people's sake, but for my own. I must admit, life has been miserable without you.  I long for you, I ache for you.

FIGHT!!!!!!!!!PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!  I have been hit so many times lately and I have done was take the blows, one by one.  Allowing them to knock me to the ground, because I didn't have any FIGHT left in me.....you were gone!  I'm so tired of crawling up in a ball trying to protect my head (mind), and chest (heart) from the blows thats being thrown my way.  I fear that if you don't come back, I will die.  I don't know how many more blows I can survive.

“Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” Luke 10:19
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
“The Lord is my strength and my shield …” Psalm 28:7

Welcome home old friend!  I've missed you.  Oh but I realized you weren't gone at all!  Just buried under so much, devastation, hurt, and brokenness that I just couldn't see you! Now that I have been reminded of our worth TOGETHER, I promise never to let you go again.  After-all, you are the best part of me!  No matter what circumstance or situation comes my way from here on out, I promise to FIGHT with everything I have in me!!!! No longer will I let the stares of others, side conversations or tragedy throw blows at me and I just stand there!!!! I'm training everyday (reading the word) so when the adversary does come, I am prepared!  Yes I will Fight!!! Not like a little girl, but like a WOMAN!!!! You are here to stay!