Either you TRUST Him or you DON’T!!!! CHOOSE!

I have been writing various blogs for the past few weeks.  Just when I think I’m about to publish one, I stop.  It doesn't feel right…..until now.  Its lengthy but I promise there is a purpose behind this madness……..Enjoy!

This past weekend I had received some news that had me in a tumultuous whirlwind.  Immediately, I had gotten so emotional that I loss all sense of thought for a minute.  I went immediately to my room and threw myself on my bed (dramatically I might add, lol).

I called my mom, who was with my sisters and they immediately rushed over.  Side-note#1:  Surround yourselves with trustworthy people that care enough that no matter the problem they are there. While waiting on them to come over I had went from devastated to enraged, so I called a great friend of mine who unfortunately and fortunately spoke to me with sense. Refer back to side-note#1.  I had made plans to do this, and say that, and all the while I am spewing my disgust and disdain for this situation, she is talking calmly and pleading the blood and being the person that I needed and not the one I wanted (did you catch that). Side-note#2: Every person in your life should not agree with you, nor should they be afraid to put you in your place when you are so very wrong. “Thank you and I love you”

By the time my family arrived I was outside pacing back and forth and had left Rageville back to Devastation Ave.  I remember saying at one point “Wow Really! Like I haven’t been through enough this year. I’m so tired of freaking test. I give up!”  Long story short, after my family finished consoling me, I rode around for a great bit of time, and called another confidant (Side-note#1).  At this point, I am slowly but surely calming down enough to become a sleuth.  Let’s just say I started taking matters into my own hands.  Didn’t sleep well that night, and that morning had decided to stay in bed instead of going to church.  Finally I get up to go (I didn’t want my parents fussing). Though I’m at church, I’m really not, if that makes any sense. I was not in the presence, and if it wasn't for singing these songs a million times before, I would not have remembered the lyrics for my mind was a million miles away.  My actions were perfunctory at best!  I tried to change my outlook on the situation (okay maybe I didn't).  I was so angry that I actually prayed for someone to get “out-of-pocket” with me, just so I could let all of my frustrations out at one time (awful I know)! BTW no one did!

We’re now out of church and I called last but not least my final confidant (Side-note#1 and #2).  There to listen and never judging.  I’m actually glad that I called because though I was still thinking about it, she took my focus off of it at the same time.  Also gave me a chance to mend a long-lasting sisterhood that was previous torn a little. “I love you so very much, believe that!” After talking with her I decided to go to bed and try not to worry about it again (that is until the next day, Monday).

Monday’s here and I am back into sleuth mode now that I can finally get answers to all the questions I had created over the weekend. Why was I in this storm?! Why was I being tested yet again?! Why am I the one that has to put on a good face (which I was failing miserably at)?!

Well False Alarm People! Finally, I had got in touch with someone that cleared up the Colossal Mistake.  I hung up feeling refreshed, renewed, and just downright HAPPY.  Called everyone I had shared my “struggle” with and let them know the situation.  Went on throughout my day skipping, and whistling.  During my lunch break, I reflected on the last two days of my life; how I had acted, what I had said, and most of all my countenance throughout it all.

Something immediately came to me….If this had been a true test, a real storm I would have failed miserably.  I thought that I had evolved in this area of my life and since I hadn't let anything shake me in the last two months, then maybe, I was growing in this area.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  I would like to say that I went to God in prayer, giving it all to him and letting him handle the situation.  That’s what I would like to say! I must be transparent and say that I really turned my back on Him, feeling like He did the same to me.  I thought “Dang KJ, you really revealed yourself to yourself this weekend.” Though I went to church, church was not in me. Though I didn't “amp” on anyone, I still was amping within myself.  Though I didn't run away screaming trying to hide from the situation, I didn't run to the ONE and ONLY who could have corrected it immediately!!!!

It’s easy to smile and praise when everything in life is calm, and there is no sign of trouble, but what do you do when you are in a storm and you feel like you are going down for the last time.  Well I found out what I would do, and it wasn't even a real storm.  I immediately got convicted for my poor performance that I talked to my friend that tried to talk sense in me from the beginning and she said something I will never forget….”Kenyetta you are going to have to make a decision sweet!  You’re either going to trust God or not.  Stop saying that you do, but your actions show something totally different.” We will quote a scripture in a heartbeat saying “I’m casting all my cares upon Him” but are we really?  How many times have we had spiritual amnesia?! Forgetting that God has taking care of us so many times in the past, why wouldn't he do it now!

Well I have now realized yet another weak area in my life that I have given to God for repair.  Within this though I have learned not only that I need to trust Him more, but…..I have an amazing support system!  The one’s I called were totally there for me and I truly appreciate it. Unfortunately, I never called on The One that was ALWAYS there. 

Moral of this story….NEVER lose sight of your faith in a storm. Remember there is nothing too hard for God!   If we say that He's a "Problem-Solver" (and I don't say that lightly), then let Him work!  Remember, YOU EITHER TRUST GOD OR YOU DON'T, CHOOSE!!! Love you all. Until next time, Ciao for now!