It’s In You (Seeing It Before Actually Seeing It)

Recently I just wrote this entry for a magazine issue.  I thought it fitting to share with you guys today!  Enjoy:

Anytime I hear the words “transformation” or “metamorphosis” I always think of the infamous caterpillar; the beady eyed (six to be exact), multiple legged, slithering caterpillar.  I’ve never liked looking at them because they were not the most appealing specimen to look upon.  I can remember one summer when I was about 10 years old, my parent’s roof being COMPLETELY covered with caterpillars.  It was as if we were plagued with the small creatures! You could not go in or out of the house without having one (or five) fall on you.  I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating that could be for a young child.  Then, I could only see what was right in front of my face.  Nothing inside of me said that inside this long, wrinkly insect, was a beautiful, graceful, soaring butterfly waiting to transform.  The truth is, everything that we are transforming into is already inside of us.  We just have to look beyond the NOW and see the END!

For each child that is born, lies within it, the adult that is to come.  Sure we have to go through the long process of becoming (puberty, life-lessons, and character building), but nevertheless there is a grown man/woman that is waiting to evolve and make a mark on this beautiful world.  This goes for every step of our lives.  No matter what it is, we have to have a mindset of the end result!  You can’t look at where you are and be so discouraged about the process that is to come that you forget that it is the path to get you to your destiny!  I would like to think that as the caterpillar slithers on its belly through dust and gravel that it’s not deterred, for as it crawls, it sees itself already flying from flower to flower! I would like to think that the fact that it will have to be in a tight, uncomfortable cocoon for weeks (even months depending on the larvae) is not enough to deter it from the vision at hand: THE BUTTERFLY!

The problem with some of us today is the process feel so long and tedious that we FORGET that we were promised this great success.  When I think back on the many prophecies given to the people in the Bible, they were always told what was to be, but never the process they would go through to get there!  David knew he was to be king, but he did not know that he was going to have to literally run for his life to get there; Joseph knew that his brothers were to bow down before him but it was never told to him that he would spend years in a pit before it was to come into fruition; and our dear sweet Mary was told that the child she was to conceive was going to be the King over all kings and that his reign would be forever more, but never did she know that she would have to run in the middle of the night to keep from being stoned, or watch her child be beat within an inch of his life for Him to be the Savior of the World!!! Why was this not divulged to any of them? It’s quite simple actually….. 1.  God only tells us the Beginning and The End of a thing because that’s who He is (Alpha & Omega) and  2. BECAUSE, THE PROCESS DOESN’T MATTER! 

We get caught up with the many obstacles thrown at us that we become distracted from the reality that what we are striving to become (pastors, writers, financial advisors, etc), is already in us, and we are in our “cocoon” period; also the enemy is using this process to keep us from speaking and envisioning what we desire to physically see!  Our mind has to be so set on the end result that we have to have tunnel vision!  Put blinders up around you, so that the distraction of the process will not distract you from a victorious end!!! Continue to see the greatness inside of you and speak with surety and boldness what you desire to see!  Your destiny depends on it!  Until Next Time, Ciao for now!

I Forgot To Pray

Yoga, Pilates, Massages, Therapy......all of these are tried when we are stressed to the max!  Burdened by the trials of life, we try so many remedies to keep us centered; to keep us grounded; to keep us from totally falling apart!  I myself have tried so many different avenues in my life when it seemed like my back was against the wall.  Some were very affective, but none ever gave me a lasting peace beyond me completing the activity.  I have grown up in church all of my life and have been given the necessary tools to "fight" when in my own personal war, but for some reason, it all went out of the window when I needed it most!  Simply put, I forgot to pray!


I went to the movies with my amazing mother and younger sister this afternoon to see the movie "War Room." It was a great movie that centered around praying to our Heavenly Father and truly surrendering all to Him.  If you haven't checked it out, please do so.  Without giving away too much of the movie, it involved an older lady devout in her prayer life, teaching a younger lady going through her trials to fight in the spiritual instead of the natural.  As I looked at the movie I replaced the two female characters with my mother and myself.  As long as I could remember my mother has always had an awesome prayer life and has always encouraged us to do so as well.  She has awaken each morning (along with another minister of the church) and has diligently and fervently  prayed to our Heavenly Father.  Because of this, I think in the past my sister's and I relied on her to make our request known unto God instead of us doing it ourselves.  My mother would always tell us not to wait until we were in a storm to decide to start praying; though God would still answer, it would feel familiar and we would know exactly what to do instead of trying everything else and then trying Him.   It's almost like training for a marathon.  Not saying that its impossible to wake up and run a full marathon without training, but if we do condition ourselves before the race, we will finish with ease and in a timely manner! So when my mother experienced her own storm a week ago, she knew exactly what to do...


A couple of weeks ago my mother was admitted into the hospital.  She was there for a several days, but in that short time she gave special instructions to my sister and I to bring her ipad (to use the bible app), portable dvd/cd player (to listen to audio sermons), and KFC chicken (she was hungry, don't judge her {smile}).  My mother knew exactly what to do, because she had been doing it all along.  Each morning I would call as I always do to check on her, and each morning I would be in awe of this mighty woman of God.  She would answer the phone full of zest and surety and refreshed from her time with God!  I told my friends how strong she was and how unbothered she seemed to be through this entire process.  I'm  sure that it had nothing to do with the meds she was on, but EVERYTHING to do with Mark 11:24...."24.   Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." My mother had a sense of peace about her through her trial because when she did pray, she truly surrendered all to God.  Her resolve has always been the same: "I don't have time to worry about something that I've already given to God."  This is the same quote that made me create my own prayer life with God.


When tragedy hit my home, I remember sitting in my room alone crying for the millionth time trying to figure out what I could do to stop this reoccurring moment each night!  I was already doing yoga, so I decided to research the prices for kick-boxing class, when all of a sudden it hit me:  why was I spending all of this money for temporary relief, when I could get permanent rest for free?!  It was at that moment all of my parent's teachings seemed to come back to me.  It was at that time that I truly connected with "The Great I Am!"  I must admit that it was "touch and go" for a while, but the more I prayed the more it just began to flow!  Finally, I knew what peace truly felt like!  Now when trials try to rise up in my life, my first reaction isn't to call my parents and give them the run down so they can pray for me; nor is it to research different remedies online.  It is to fight spiritually because through this I always WIN! So when I pray, I don't worry about the outcome, nor do I replay the instance over in my mind.  It's settled!  James 5:16 states, "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."  Know that whatever trial may come, one thing I will never forget to do from here on out is pray!  Until next time, Ciao for now!

YOU ARE DESERVING

Hello Beautiful People!  Oh how I’ve missed you.  I have tried countless times to write a blog in the past few weeks, but every one that I’ve tried to publish, just did not feel right!  By now I’m sure you guys have come to know that I love “AHA Moments!”  I absolutely love going through everyday life, and finding the most profound things out of the most simple situations!    Friday was no different.

After work I ran a few errands.  Time had gone by so, that I decided to pick something up before going home.  Since I was in Fayetteville, I had decided that I wanted a little Mexican food, so I went to Mi Casitas.  To cut down on time, I started planning exactly what I wanted to eat on the way to the restaurant.  I decided on a Fajita Trio Quesadilla (Shrimp, Chicken, & Steak), a side of sour cream (extra $), a large salsa (extra $), and a large cheese dip (extra $) (these details will be made clear in a moment).  I know I sound a little greedy but I wanted this so badly, that neither the quantity nor the additional cost I would accrue, mattered. 

I walked into the restaurant, and as I walked towards the order area, I locked eyes with a gentleman who was cashing out his bill.  He turned and asked if I was picking up an order, and I stated to him that I was about to place one.  At that moment, he smiled and told me, “Well pick anything you would like on the menu, and I will pay for it!  Go on, get whatever you want!” I was so grateful that I began to place my order, but since it wasn’t coming out of my pocket, I decided to scale it back considerably. So I ordered a Chicken and Shrimp Fajita Quesadilla and nothing more.  The gentleman paid for the food, I thanked him, and he left.  I was taken aback by this kind gesture!  So much so, that I asked the cashier if this man had paid for anyone else.  He had not!  I was the only one!  As I was driving home I thought about what just happened and began to get a little giddy.   I could not believe my fortune!  That’s when the Holy Spirit began to speak to me and remind me of a few things:

For as long as I have had finances of my own, I have always been a giver.  On many occasions I have paid for others’ food in restaurants and in drive thru’s.  Because I did not want it to seem as if I was giving for show, I would make sure that I left before they knew who had paid.  I definitely believe in Matthew 6:3-4 (Giving in secret and God rewarding you openly).   It was then driving home I realized that my harvest was finally being produced.  So my first “AHA Moment” was simple:  If you sow, then you will definitely reap.  Not always when you want it, but nevertheless it will come!  So don’t be weary in well doing, because a harvest is just beyond the horizon (Galatians 6:9).  God spoke and told me that I was in my harvest season, but too bad I didn’t allow it to come into full fruition…….

As I was nearing I-95, I started getting a little hungry and wished I had gotten the cheese dip and nachos!  “Why oh why hadn’t I ordered the dip,” I thought to myself.  I didn’t want to be greedy, nor seem like I was taking advantage of such a considerate offer.  That’s when “AHA Moment” #2 hit me!  This man, not knowing if I was ordering for just myself or an entire family was telling me to get WHATEVER I WANTED!  I could have done just that if I had just opened my mouth and spoke my true desires!  What I was going to order didn’t matter to him, so why did it bother me?  Now I was on my way home to eat a fajita without sour cream or salsa (which I wanted) because I didn’t want to seem like an opportunist! That’s when it hit me!  We as children of God have been allotted this same opportunity by our Father, but forgetting who and who’s we are, we don’t truly ask what we will.

How many times have we thought of our dream home of 5 bedrooms and 5 baths, but when we stood in prayer, we asked for what we felt like would be a more attainable home of 3 bedrooms and 2.5 baths?!    Why did we feel the need to digress in our visions? Is it because we feel like we are being too greedy (like I felt Friday), or is it that we don’t feel like our desires are realistic enough?  Whatever the reason there is one universal answer…..simply put we don’t feel as if we are deserving enough to have it!  John 15:7(KJV) states, “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.”  God has given us the green light to ask anything we want of Him, and because He loves us so much and wants us to be happy, He is more than willing to give it to us.  So why then do we limit Him in His giving? 

What happens is we look at ourselves and our past indiscretions and our faith to receive it is not built up to par, and begin to think that we have no right to ask these things when actuality we have every right!  When you are a part of a royal priesthood, joint-heirs with Jesus Christ, you have the right to ask your Father anything you want.  Because He is Jehovah-Jireh (a God that will provide), and El-Shaddai (the almighty potentate, the source of all blessings, the God who is more than enough) we should not hesitate in telling Him exactly what we desire as His children!  We forget who our Father is and instead of walking in authority and boldness, we scale back our request to someone who has told us in no uncertain terms to get whatever we would like.  All we have to do is take the limits off of ourselves and open our mouth to speak what we want, then finally open our arms to receive. 

In a couple of weeks I will be 35, and in all of my years, I cannot think of one time where I scaled back on any of the request that I have had of my biological father.  Matter-of-fact I have added last minute items onto my request because I felt confident that he would provide it all without hesitation.  I did not feel like I was using him, nor did I question how he would deliver (in which he delivered 100% of the time).  For some reason though, I have dialed it back when making my request known to the Father of all Fathers!   I was saddened by my actions on that night, so I called both of my parents and my sisters to tell them of my mediocre blessing and my revelation!

No longer will we compromise our desires because we refuse to see ourselves the way God sees us.  Right now, allow the scales to fall off your eyes. With the biggest smile spread across your beautiful face, look in the mirror at yourself.  Clear your mind of any negative thoughts, open your mouth, and remind yourself that YOU ARE DESERVING!  Until next time, Ciao for now!

Embracing The Now!!

Last night, a great friend and I were talking about the things that God has shown her regarding the plan He has for her, and oh what a wonderful plan it is!  I listened to her excitement regarding the future, at the same time I heard her discontentment about the present.   She expressed that she was “over” her current situation and just wanted to fast-forward into her new chapter already.  As she was speaking I couldn't help but remember how I once was during certain transitions in my own life. 

I can remember when I decided to purchase my first car.  I would look at different models and the specs of the car.  I would look at different colors and imagine myself stepping out of it!  The more I narrowed down the choices, the more anxious I would become about finally signing the papers for purchase.  At the same time I would cringe every time I looked at the car that my parents had given me.  Each time I got into it I would find something else wrong about it:  The color, how it started up, how long it took to warm up, the seats, etc…  Never did I look at my car and see that it got me from point A to point B without fail; Never did I consider that it was a totally paid off car that served me well for 5 years without any serious issues!  I could name countless times where I discounted where I was in life because I was so ready to get to the next level.  I’m sure many of us can relate to this! 

I began to speak to my friend and remind her that she was doing exactly what I had done so many times before: failed to embrace “the now!”  Many times in life, God speaks to us and shows us exactly where He is taking us in life.  We see our end result and become so elated that instead of looking at what God has shown us as encouragement to hold on to His promise, we immediately get in an anxious mode and feel like it’s to happen now and start looking at where we are in a negative light, instead of embracing this place we’re in all while having the right attitude!  While being in our “now season,” we never take this time to prepare for what’s to come!  Let me explain…..

God is all about timing and making sure that you are ready for what He has in store for you; as we should be as well.  Because God does not operate in mess, I feel another reason He shows us where He is taking us, is to give us the time to work on a few things we may need to within ourselves.  While waiting for the perfect car, and the right time, I could have prepared for this new chapter in my life.  I could have found out what my monthly payments would have been and started saving that amount each month to increase my down payment or prepare for the increase in the insurance plan that I would have with the new car.  I DEFINITELY could have taken this time to change my mindset regarding keeping the old one clean so this mindset would have carried on to the new car (I FAILED BY THE WAY).  As I have matured, I have definitely learned to embrace my “now” until my “next” comes!

God has spoken to me on several occasions: directly and through others.  RESTORATION has been the word that He continues to drop in my spirit.  He has told me to prepare myself for a new relationship?  WHOA! HEAVY STUFF, right?!  Well of course I do not expect this to happen any time soon, nor would I dream of rushing the process.  What I have done is embrace where I am now, while working on this thing called “ME.”  I first started by thanking God for the new chapter that is to be my life while still embracing the chapter I am currently in.  I also talked to my inner circle about the characteristics they felt I could work on.  I listened to each and every person very intently and noticed that they all came to the same consensus regarding my flaws. (NOTE:  Make sure you have loving people in your life willing to tell you the absolute truth.  Also make sure you are in a position to receive what they have to say).  I also prepare myself, by cooking!  I know this may sound weird to some, but this is something that I have done little of in the past year. Cooking has now become a part of my regime.  Lastly, I have been obedient to the instructions that God has given me, so when I pray each morning and night for my loved ones, I too pray for him (whoever he may be) and his well-being. 

Never do I question Gods instructions, or look at every man I pass wondering if he is the one.  I don’t rush the process (though several of my friends definitely try to).  I just continue to live my life as I have: being thankful for where He has taken me thus far; continue to be the best mother I can possibly be; continue to learn more about my Savior since He knows all about me!  Embrace where you are and never despise it just because it looks small compared to where you are going (Zechariah 4:10).  Just remember that no matter where you currently are, God has a plan of a brighter future ahead (Jeremiah 29:11).  Know that God loves you and so do I.  Until next time, Ciao for now!

God Is Not My Co-Pilot

I can remember being young and seeing vanity plates on the front of various cars that would read "God Is My Co-Pilot".  My father even had one. I think it was the most popular inspirational phrase next to W.W.J.D!  I hadn't seen one of those plates since I was about ten years old until a few months ago.  I started smiling and reminiscing about my childhood when a thought came to me that, "huh, its amazing the things we fall for just because it sounds good!"  I continued to drive on without a second thought about the license plate.....

Few weeks later I was sitting at home looking at a movie.  The scene went something like this:  A beautiful young woman boards a plane.  As she was entering a handsome gentleman greeted her where in turn she wanted to know if the gentleman was the pilot, in which he responded, “Yes ma’am! Well actually the copilot.”  The beautiful lady’s smile fades and she continues to walk away while saying, “Sorry honey I only talk to first string players; Never second!”  Well I chuckled a bit because it further confirmed my thought process a few weeks back; CO-Pilots were not the business!  I started wondering what the duties of a co-pilot were, so I looked up the definition and it read as follows:

           Merriam-Webster            
               1.  A qualified pilot who assists or relieves the pilot but is NOT in command.

           Dictionary-Online
              1.  A pilot who is second in command of an aircraft; a relief pilot

Whoa!  I began to feel some kind of way when I read the definitions.  Had I made my Creator, my Savior, and my BE-IT-ALL a co-pilot before?  Had I tried to use different courses of action to solve a problem BEFORE going to God and asking Him to handle it?  YES!  I think we all have at one point or another!  With my actions I had told my father that He was only fit to take the wheel when I was tired of commanding my own life. I unconsciously told Him that though He created me, my abilities now superseded His and His services were no longer needed!     

There have been so many times where I took it upon myself to handle this, and fix that just to make a bigger mess of things!  I would cry and scream to the top of my lungs until I could no longer cry.  It wasn't until mental and physical exhaustion arose, did I bow down in total surrender and ask my Father for help!  Until I took the restraints off him and allowed Him to do what He does best!  As soon as I did...........Enough Said!

 Stop making God a Co-Pilot in your life.  Allow Him to navigate through the storms of your life while you sit in the aircraft (first class I might add) while He is in the cockpit!  No need to sit next to Him and be His co-pilot because unlike us, He doesn't need any help!  Until Next Time, Ciao for now!

Owning It Just To Disown It!

I pride myself in being as transparent as I possibly can when blogging so when people see me sharing my weaknesses they also see God showing himself strong when correcting them.  Also others too will give voice to their own flaws in hopes to help someone else!  That way no one gives power to shame, insecurity, or pride!  We all are giving voice to growth, change, and God's grace and mercy to allow us another day to get it right!

Flaws!  Whether it’s a stutter, stretch marks, a sloped forehead, or a limp; we all have something that makes us different and I think that is absolutely beautiful!  We were not meant to look alike and that to me is FLAWESOME (I’m a nerd sometimes lol).  These “flaws” ….the ones that make us unique; the ones that separates us from the other billions of individuals in the world; the ones that are beyond our control; the ones that aren't FLAWS at all!!!! They’re beautiful! What about our CHARACTER FLAWS though?  You know, the flaws that can make the most gorgeous person you've ever seen, look absolutely horrendous; the flaws that keep you from inviting them to the most amazing and fun getaways because they could possibly dampen the mood; the ones that we will point out in others, but refuse to evaluate in OURSELVES?! Yeah what about those flaws!   

I was conversing with someone on yesterday regarding our 2014 and how it was an enlightening year.  She began to say that she found out that through certain events that happened last year, she learned that she was very prideful and how humbling certain experiences were.  I listened to the event that brought her to this conclusion so intently. When I felt like she was done with her story, I said to her, "I think it’s great that you have gained insight!  It takes a strong person to take ownership of such a flaw, but what are you doing to correct this?"  Let me end  by saying this IS a friend of mine so we are at a level in our relationship where we can be totally real with each other and the other knows that it doesn't come from a place of evil intent!  Well my friend pondered the question.........Just like I did when it was asked of me!

For as long as I can remember, my family and friends tell me all the time that my biggest  flaw is that my presentation is less than desirable when speaking my truths; I can be cold and matter-of-factly when speaking about sensitive issues; that it would be received better if I had a little bit more tact!  I would listen and I would agree each time that my presentation was very direct, but isn't it supposed to be?!  I always disliked when people tried to feel me out or beat around the bush when trying to confront an issue.  It felt disingenuous and a little frightful on their end to me.  But that was me!  I had to learn everyone does not view life the same way that I do, so how can they receive the same way that I would.

Well last month wasn't any different! I was having a debate of sorts with a friend of mine and when it was my turn to respond she went on to say that I spoke truth harshly and that I needed to try to find another way to present my side of arguments.  I agreed quickly with her, which I felt made her even more upset (which I did not understand).  I went on to say, “Honey I know this about me! I can admit my flaws and I own every single one of them!” In the midst of my rant, the Holy Spirit interrupted my conversation (you know how He does lol!) and said “okay so you owned it, now when are you going to do something to correct them?!”  I stopped in mid-sentence and told my friend that I would have to call her back!  I felt so embarrassed, that you would have thought that my friend heard the chastisement that I had just received.  It made me think though!

I have for years took pride in owning my flaws!  I would always say that I may be a lot of things, but at least I can admit it!  I mean in a world where we as individuals would not face our own issues, I thought I was ahead of the curve by being honest with me! I would own my flaws to the point that I myself would say, "I suck at delivery" or "I am the worst when it comes to coddling!" Well that night I started thinking, that the reason I was still so bad after all of these years about it, was because I continued to OWN this as a permanent fixture in my life instead of trying to fix something that devalued me as a person, that made people second guess venting to me for fear of me lacking the ability to give advice with care, that made my children talk to my mother instead of me about certain issues.  

When you own things whether physically or metaphorically, you take possession of it in a way that you guard it with no hopes of ever releasing it. I guess my ownership of these character flaws did just that.  As long as I said that this is who I was, then that was who I was going to remain.  

I quickly grabbed my journal and started writing a new vision of myself that I would work to become. As soon as I was done with my love letter to myself, I prayed for guidance, and discernment to know when a situation would tempt me to revert back so I could quickly remove myself from it or change my mindset (whichever came first).  At that moment I no longer OWNED such negativity regarding me but released this baggage to pick up a new way of life for myself.  Simply put, I owned it long enough to recognize what I needed to disown!  Stop wearing flaws that you CAN control as an accessory!  You are valued so much higher than that costume jewelry!  So lets replace it with the gems that we deserve and that we are!  Live Love Laugh!  Until Next Time, Ciao for now!